You might be scrolling to this carefully curated list looking for an easy way to make money.
There isn’t one, not really – everything on here is going to require a bit of determination and work to get underway, and a lot of both if you really want to make it big.
You’re already working two jobs, you say?
You don’t have the time or the energy?
Ok, ok…you’ve twisted my arm.
There’s one way of ensuring you have riches, fame, and power during your life on this earth.
But it isn’t very pleasant.
Yep, you’ve guessed it.
You’re going to have to sell your immortal soul!
How do You Go About Selling Your Soul Online?
Well, let’s first determine whether you have one or not.
It’s very difficult to sell something you don’t possess – trust me, I’ve tried it. When people hand over money to you they usually expect something in return.
If you don’t hand that something over, they tend to get their panties in a knot and take you to court! Do you really want to screw Beelzebub on a deal? He would rip you to shreds in a court of law – everyone knows that he has scores of lawyers at his beck and call down in the sizzling pits of Hell.
So, for the sake of argument let’s assume that everyone has a soul, regardless of what you subscribe to personally.
Ok, now we’ve established you have a soul. There has to be a market for it, right? The Devil is always in short supply of good souls so it can probably fetch a good price, too.
But how do you get in touch with him? It’s not like there’s a website to do it, right?
Actually, there’s a website for everything (duh) – here’s one where you can sell your soul outright for a staggering $5 if you need the cash immediately (untested – I’m not taking anything less than $50 for my soul, thank you very much) or, you can auction it off to the highest bidder. You can even buy a new one if the one you own now isn’t to your liking.
Personally, I don’t like the contract on that page. Look for something more binding that will stand up in court because I imagine that the Devil isn’t above shafting you on a deal himself.
You can find a good template service online – why am I not surprised that this is in their offer?
How Much is Your Soul Worth?
If I were you, I wouldn’t settle for anything other than 100 years of youth and health, substantial power, and prescient knowledge of global financial trends for the next 50 years. Asking for money outright seems a little cheap.
However, if you want to put a price tag on your soul, Business Insider did a good job calculating its value – $2.8 million. You might want to consider settling for 2 million if it’s a buyer’s market.
Following things decrease the value of your soul:
- Atheism – not surprising
- Murder – you’re one foot in Hell already
- Excessive swearing – not there yet but you’re heading in the right direction
- Christian or Muslim – their souls are in high supply, you’re better off being a Sikh
How to Nullify the Agreement
If you don’t know what you’re doing you will spend countless hours in a courtroom and probably lose your house in addition to your soul – as I said, the Devil teaches law at Harvard.
However, there are several other ways to get out of the agreement:
- Beat the Devil at something – poker, violin playing, bocce ball, whatever. He’s a notorious gambler so you shouldn’t have a hard time convincing him to participate.
- Do pro bono work – this is especially efficient if you’re a lawyer. You will be such a disappointment that you’ll be barred from Hell for all eternity.
- Get an exorcism – I hear these are excruciatingly painful, with a lot of hand waving, levitating, and vomiting going on. Avoid if possible.
- Have your girlfriend charm the Devil – well, it worked for Faust, didn’t it?
Of course, every sell-your-soul deal goes sour eventually. If you are not inclined to risk eternal damnation (because, well, you can never know, right?) I suggest you roll up your sleeves, pick out something else on this list, and get to work!
How To Sell Your Soul Online !!??